Is casual sex a sin?

 

Here are my views on casual sex.

So far whenever I have had casual sex it has not been very good with people I don’t really want to be with. I have to an opportunity right now to have casual sex with someone who to be honest, I have at the moment have no intention to be with or to marry. She is too old for me and although we get along I don’t yet want to be with her long term. If we had a relationship it would just be friends with benefits. However I do not really know that. I haven’t got a set agreement with her that it is only for sex so therefore I do not know what is going to happen with us.

I have read a lot of peoples view points on this situation and how people perceive having sex with someone without commitment. In my own experience, it hasn’t been very good, the emotional pain and suffering after isn’t worth the hassle. The friendship can also get ruined when one person wants more.  I wouldn’t care that much if we don’t have sex, if we don’t really love each other. It would be just for pleasure, everything the bible forbids. It isn’t something I really want but it might be fun in the right contents. But I have to think what would life be like without it? It would just involve patience and acceptance that it was better to wait until the right person came along.  I haven’t had sex in about a month and to be honest it hasn’t been that bad. It isn’t like I need it like drink and food. It would be better to wait to have sex with someone you want to be with and you can do everything you want to do with her instead of the girl you aren’t that much attracted to. As when she finds out you are using her that could a problem. In my opinion it isn’t that much different to sleeping with a prostitute.

I will be honest with her and say I only really want to have sex with someone who I want to be with and that’s it. There are a number of reasons for this. One of them is that sex isn’t actually needed. Lots of people live a happy and healthy life without having sex. Secondly because there is a risk of catching a disease with someone who is sleeping around with other people. By having casual sex I am saying to her that it is okay to sleep with other people therefore she might catch a disease of someone else and give it to me.  Thirdly because it feels dirty, like whenever I done and it has ended I just feel like crap and wish I never did it maybe because of these reasons.

Its not worth having sex with someone if you want someone else. You should only have sex with the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. This will be the person you want to look after and the person who brings you peace. The person you really want to impress and make you sure they love you. If you want someone else you are better without it completely.

If it is okay to sleep with people casually then I cannot see why it wouldn’t be okay to sleep with a prostitute. The only difference is money. If you want to sleep with the person you are sleeping with then why do you want to find another partner? When what you got is enough. All of your other needs are just in your head. My dilemma is that I know someone who is twenty years older than me but am undecided whether to have a relationship with her because of her age when technically there isn’t nothing wrong with going out with someone older than me. She can do everything a younger, possibly more attractive woman can. It is a bold thing to go with a woman almost twenty years my senior but if she brings me happiness and joy then what is the problem? If sex is good then there isn’t an issue. It is just social pressures that are put on us. Like what other people will think of us. The truth is it doesn’t matter what they think. As long as we are both happy with each other, it will be okay. There are lots of people who go out with older women and have healthy, happy relationships.

I think this porn culture obsesses too much over looks and if we stay away from that we might realise that looks don’t matter at all as long as you are sexually attracted to them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say. A problem might come when I see a younger more attractive female available but the truth is that it would pretty much be the same with her anyway. I just may feel a bit more comfortable with introducing someone younger as my girlfriend to people than someone who is a lot older.  But if the person who is my girlfriend has a nice personality it won’t matter anyways. The younger more attractive woman might become ugly as she gets older, then what are you supposed to do-just leave her. That doesn’t seem right. Really your life partner should be based on what is on the inside as that is what really counts long term. Whoever I go out with there could be potentially someone I am more attracted to this would never change.

I do however remember sleeping with someone older before and it didn’t feel that right. I will just have to see how it goes. If it doesn’t feel right and I feel I would be better single and free then I will remain that way.

With just having casual sex with random people you increase your chances of getting a disease and also somehow your soul gets destroyed in the process. Maybe not so for everybody but I know that it is wrong therefore I feel bad about myself and know it isn’t a correct path to take. This is only the case when I have sex with people that I know I don’t want to be with and there is no hope of it. This could be because I am not physically attracted to them or I do not like their personality. I am however, not really that fussy and as long as I like them and am somewhat attracted to them I would try out a relationship with them. If I keep rejecting women because they are not a ten then I might always be alone. If they have a brilliant personality this would make up for their not perfect looks.

I do however have a bit of dilemma as well at the moment of having deciding what would be the right action to take when it comes to masturbating over the phone to someone. I have done it before and to be honest it wasn’t really that good. Afterwards I felt a bit like an idiot and believe I am just better without it. I have a girl who isn’t my girlfriend and although I might want her as my girlfriend, because of Nofap it just feels a bit wrong to masturbate. This is because I will still lose all the benefits of not masturbating.  I probably wouldn’t feel as guilty as masturbating to porn as it could improve my life somehow, for example it could improve my relationship with this girl but abstaining from doing it will not cause any harm as well. It is just me being myself and sticking with Nofap. Perhaps if I was sure I wanted her as my girlfriend or she was my girlfriend then I would be okay in doing it as I wouldn’t care as much about the benefits of abstaining from masturbation but as that isn’t the case I will actually care about losing the benefits.

Self-esteem list

 

Someone I know did a facebook live session recently and she mentioned that it helps to write down all the things you think are good about myself. So here goes:

  1. I am quite kind. In my job as a care worker I am able to put myself in the patient shoes and know that their life is not easy therefore can be forgiving when they make mistakes.
  2. I am resilient. In the past I have got sacked a lot and am still able to get job after job because I don’t really see the point of crying about something.
  3. I am quite funny a lot of people have said this perhaps I could be a comedian.
  4. I am quite athletic and good at football.
  5. I am thoughtful as I have showed in the past I can buy a good present for other people.
  6. I have good self-discipline as I am good at not eating the wrong foods and good at sticking to my exercise regime.
  7. I have good dress sense I feel as people often have commented that I wear nice clothes.
  8. I am a good speller from reading books and papers a lot.
  9. I am not at all judgemental and feel this is one of my strongest points as all us don’t really know what we are doing, just trying to make our lives better day by day.
  10. I am a good saver and don’t really buy lavish things like I once did.
  11. I believe I am good listener and really don’t talk over people when they talk.
  12. I am very calm when a problem arises and don’t really become flustered when danger strikes.
  13. I am good at sticking up for myself.
  14. I am not a greedy person at all.
  15. I am not violent.
  16. I am not aggressive.
  17. I am a very good sportsman.
  18. I am hard-working and don’t mind at working hard on a task.
  19. I am a sociable person although don’t really have any friends.
  20. I am honest and to be honest never really afraid to speak my mind.
  21. I am open person and not afraid to speak my mind.
  22. I am not that bothered about having power over others therefore am not a narcist.
  23. I see my grandparents more than the other grandchildren therefore am quite kind.
  24. I am not really a loud person and not that bothered about being the life and soul of the party.
  25. I can use a computer pretty well.
  26. Got a good body apparently.
  27. People have called me handsome.
  28. Apparently good in bed.
  29. Have good hygiene.
  30. Don’t try to enforce my opinions on people and don’t act like I know everything.
  31. I am not bad at maths compared to some people.
  32. I like my eyes and eyebrows and am not that short.
  33. I am quite a good cook if I put my mind to it.
  34. I am a good cyclist and find that easy.
  35. I am straight to the point.
  36. I am good at yoga.
  37. I know a lot about music particularly rnb.
  38. I know a lot of people and met a lot of people in my short life.
  39. I am only 26.
  40. I am a good healthy weight.
  41. I know a lot about health and nutrition from reading the papers a lot.
  42. I am not a very argumentative person and tend to get along with most people.
  43. I don’t panic in bad situations and am good at accepting things for what they are.
  44. I am good at adapting to change.
  45. I don’t hurt babies or animals or people weaker than myself.
  46. I am a emphatic person when people have problems.
  47. I am not bald yet.
  48. I hardly ever shout at people or raise my voice, cant remember the last time I did this.
  49. I don’t swear a lot.
  50. I am single but not too bothered about it, I guess I see life as suffering and am prepared to accept that.
  51. I don’t really cling to people and let them have their space or am a very possessive or controlling person.
  52. I am good at sticking to a task and don’t get distracted too easily.
  53. I don’t mind being different to everyone else sometimes.
  54. I am good with babies and young children. Seem to like them more than adults.
  55. I don’t eat a lot of sugary foods.
  56. Am interested in going to new places and meeting new people.
  57. I am quite strong and good at climbing.
  58. I am good fighter and probably could beat up most people if I had to.
  59. I am normally good at computer games.
  60. I like all animals.
  61. I am a tidy person.
  62. I don’t watch porn no more.
  63. I am good at running and am quite fast.
  64. I have a good first control in football and good at dribbling and tackling.
  65. I am quite good at writing, I think and enjoy it.
  66. I am getting into good habits with my meditation.
  67. I don’t take any medication therefore am quite healthy.
  68. I am good at writing poetry and non-fiction.
  69. I am good at taking photographs apparently.
  70. I havent lost my wallet or phone in a long while.
  71. I have a good vocabulary.
  72. I am quite an energetic person and always up for doing new things.
  73. I am not really scared of that many things and willing to give anything a go.
  74. I am good at brushing my teeth twice a day.
  75. I am good at sharing stuff.
  76. I can write and draw simple objects.
  77. I know how to operate a weighbridge where I work and am good at giving instructions.
  78. When someone shouts at me I am good at acting like I am not bothered when I might be a little bit. I do this to not provoke the person even more.
  79. I have good morals and ethics.
  80. I don’t take drugs and can handle alcohol and do not have any bad addictions.
  81. I eat regularly and don’t let myself become too skinny.
  82. My body is in full working order.
  83. I have a good computer at home.
  84. I don’t watch a lot of television.
  85. I have money in the bank in case I need to buy anything and am not in considerable debt.
  86. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and with good respect.
  87. I don’t talk down to people.
  88. I am not an attention seeker nor a drama queen.
  89. I am at peace with myself.
  90. I can do tricks with a football.
  91. I am independent and don’t need people to look after me.
  92. I am always willing to learn and have good determination when I want to do something.
  93. I am a good problem solver.
  94. I don’t have much of an ego.
  95. I am good at giving and receiving compliments.
  96. I like art and culture and history.
  97. I am good at ironing.
  98. I don’t waste a lot of electricity.
  99. I am good at paying bills and managing my money.
  100. I am not a ponce or thief.

Being yourself

Being yourself

In this world we must be ourselves although it is hard to be know what exactly that is. I am often confused at this. I see myself as a pretty angry kind person really who don’t take no shit of no-one and hasn’t really got anything to lose. Someone who doesn’t like life a lot but doesn’t complain too much either. A person who thinks too much and often gets himself in a twist. A person who is very indecisive and unsure which way to turn a lot of the time. That’s what person I am, not a very good one if you ask me. I don’t think really I am a fixed person as I am always changing like everyone else to be honest. Sometimes the thought of my life ending is a good thing which isn’t really good to be honest. Obviously it has to end thank God. I wonder what the world would be like if we never died. There would probably be a lot less worried people out there. Perhaps we could handle emotions a bit better knowing that they will change.

I guess I do have some set characteristics that are intrinsically set to myself which are I am quite kind, easy-going but can be strict as well. I guess I am easy to get along with and people seem to like me. I am not too kind on myself sometimes and think no one ever likes me. But it is important to be yourself in this world whatever that is. 🙂

Importance of sleep

 

I have decided that sleep is one of the most important factors to feeling happy about myself. I have become a bit obsessed about this already and it may be one of my new obsessions but no! I know I am a lot happier with getting more sleep. Call me lazy but I don’t really want to take a job anymore where I have get up by an alarm clock. I just refuse to go around feeling tired all day long for little reward. The alarm clock just isn’t natural in my opinion. I start work at 12pm and I am very happy about that. I wouldn’t want to change it for the world. People may say I am not that hard working and ambitious maybe its true but I am not really prepared to sacrifice my mental health for what might be a better job. Because it won’t be if I am tired throughout the day. The day is just wasted when I am tired all the time and the main reason is because of my stupid alarm clock affecting me getting enough sleep. I don’t like alarm clocks because when they are on and I am in bed I am forever thinking they will go off any minute and wake me up, therefore I never really feel relaxed. Without the alarm clock I have peace knowing I can sleep as much as I want. It feels like time is endless and I do not have to worry about getting the right amount of sleep whereas with an alarm clock it does.  In the last three years I have struggled with getting the right amount of sleep and since I have started this new job where I start at 12pm I am happier as I am getting the right amount of sleep. I just had a trial in a job where I had to set my alarm clock for seven and hardly got a wink of sleep for four days it was hell. I don’t want to go back to that life again.

To be honest though it isn’t the actual alarm clock that stops me from having sleep it is just me not being able to get enough sleep because of stress in my life. If I didn’t have this then I would be able to sleep okay. My mind keeps worrying about the same things going around and is making life a living misery. Not completely though as I said everything changes and stuff goes all the time from bad to good.

The world is tired because of our need for productivity but we are not looking at our actual ourselves in the process. I believe school should start a lot later, in fact all jobs should start later around 11am would be a good time therefore everyone would get enough sleep. The truth is however that the rest of your life needs to be enjoyable and not to just have good sleep as what is really the point of that. Just waiting to go to sleep all the time isn’t an enjoyable life at all.

Making sure you get a good night sleep is important and do this you must not use a computer after 10pm or look at a screen, try and go to sleep at the same time if possible, try not to drink too much caffeine before bed time and practice meditation daily as well.

  Your happiness and self-control

 

I believe having self-control is the one of the most important things to your happiness and having the ability to stick to your goals.                                                                                                                   Lately I have had very bad self-control and have been lazy. Although I might enjoy doing the naughty things at the time afterwards I regret them. Therefore, to be happier I must stop myself from doing them. When we make ourselves do the right thing when our mind and body is telling us not to it can bring a lot of self-empowerment. For instance, earlier I wanted to watch some videos about picking up girls on the internet however I have told myself a lot of times not to do this. I didn’t do it and believe that has made me happier as the truth is these videos are a waste of time and do not actually bring me real happiness. I may enjoy them but deep down they do not make me happy, as they bring feelings of jealousy from seeing lots of other people live the life I want and also they are all very much the same thing, therefore I am not learning anything new. I believe some things I am better without and that doesn’t mean I still don’t want to go on them but I would happier in the long term to not go on them. Having self-control is about making your future-self better. I have nicked that from someone but it is true.

The other day I thought to myself that all this writing was just a waste of time and said I am going to stop it all but then I am back here writing again. Truth be told I didn’t have enough self-control as writing isn’t a waste of time. It is a positive thing to do and can make the world a better place, whereas the behaviour that I replaced my writing with, playing the Playstation, isn’t going to make the world a better place.

Having good self-control is about sticking to the plan. You need to think of what you want to do and stick to doing it and don’t give up.

I have said to myself not to go on YouTube for example therefore I should just do this no matter what thought arises. There could be a thousand thoughts that could make me go on there for example:

“I wonder what videos so and so have put up”,

“Everyone else watches youtube, it is okay.”

“What is the point of being so strict on yourself”

“ You aren’t happy living this way, you need to change”

All these thoughts are very powerful but the reality will always remain the same that watching YouTube of people talking about their lifes and how great they are and watching the same videos of people going up to girls will not make my life any better than it is. Whereas doing other things such as writing could do. Even as write this I come across thoughts about going on the internet to speak to women that I saw on my last speed-dating event. I think to create the person I want to become I need to have better self-control than I have had in the past. Too many times I have let myself think it is okay to waste a day doing exactly what I pleased knowing full well it wasn’t actually good for me. I will try not to be too hard on myself as that isn’t good for anyone but I cannot help it when I have failed on something so many times. We are all human and trying our best. If we fail we can and should try again. What have we got to lose?

Setting aside goals are a good way to make sure that you have purpose in your life. For example, I have a goal to write 7 hours a week, this is the time where I am creating something meaningful and at least having purpose in my life. If I live freely without a goal and just write whenever I want I might not write not at all or will probably write a lot less. I believe having a goal to write 7 hours a week on my blog is both realistic and achievable.  When I stopped writing it was like given up on a dream of mine and that is to be a writer which was pretty painful to grasp therefore I am back writing again. I thought I would be happier without writing and in reality I wasn’t and really I haven’t got any excuses to not complete 7 hours of writing a week. Instead of watching an hour of Netflix a week I will write it is that simple.

I have set my goals for the year and the only way I will achieve them is having good self-control. I guess I am fed up of feeling depressed and having good self-control will actually make me happier. Although it can be boring to have self-control as a lot of the things you stopping are most likely enjoyable such as sugary foods or alcohol, you just need to remember it is better in the long term to have more self-control.

For example I could have just watched a film during this hour and would have had a lot of thoughts such as “you are wasting your life,” “ what a loser I am” where as during this writing session I haven’t had any thoughts like that at all and has been quite nice really. I can change and be a happier person I am sure and the only person that can make me happier is myself and if don’t do that then I am just letting myself down really.

A psychologist I have learnt from is Dr Joe Displeaza, infact self-control is paramount to all religions as well, to not go around doing what you feel like but to live a life of purpose is conducive to one’s happiness.  You reap what you sow for example. Dr Joe Displeaza goes into a bit more information in his books about brain chemistry and says that our environment affect our thoughts therefore when we say to ourselves we need to do more with our lives and continue to be lazy we will remain unhappy but if we have more self-control we will eventually become happier as we will see ourselves progressing. He teaches that we do not actually change when we our lives becomes more purposeful but the way we will feel inside does. We stop having feelings of guilt and stop self-loathing, for example when a thought comes along and says “you are a loser” you have past evidence to back it up that you are not.

Meditation also helps a lot with self-control as it teaches us that actually everything changes all the time moods, sounds, feelings and therefore when you realise this it helps you when you want to do something that you have said you shouldn’t do. This is because you know full well that this temptation to do the bad thing will pass and eventually be forgotten about it therefore you feel more optimistic about your future as it really is in your control.

Secondly with a greater understanding of how the brain works from meditation when you are feeling low you have a greater understanding that this won’t last forever therefore you don’t become so self-absorbed in your own trouble. Therefore, you can do anything because you accept your feelings, thoughts for what they are and acknowledge that they will change in time. For example, to say that you cannot write because you haven’t got the patience and become too bored, with meditation it helps you realise that you can but have to just become more patient during the writing. The truth will always stay the same that writing could improve your life where as doing activities such as watching YouTube and playing games online will make you feel like you are not really giving back to the world. When you see yourself improving you will begin to feel a bit happier about yourself and that is why having good self-control is so important, it is what makes you happy.

You need to be honest with yourself, are you working hard enough? Is your life going where you want it to? If you need change you might want to set some goals for yourself and think about what to change in your life to achieve those goals. If it isn’t you might need more self-control to get your life in the right direction you want it to go.

Goals for 2017

 

Here are my goals for the year, I am a pretty open person so here they are. I aint got nothing to lose. J J J

This year is going to be a tough year for me I think. I don’t know whether I am starting 2017 with the best mental health. Seem a bit manic but I guess I will be okay. Going to have to be no-one is going to make myself better other than myself. I am 27 this year and getting on. Life don’t matter that much anyway.

  1. Nofap for the year. I shouldn’t read about nofap as well.

This shouldn’t be that hard, the only reason if I stop this thing for medical reasons but doubt that will be needed. In fact I don’t need to fap for medical reasons. I heard an interesting talk with some Buddhist yesterday about looking back to the past and thinking what if. I often think what if I don’t do nofap what will my life be like and have written this as well. What I really think is, lack of energy, depression, sadness and distrust in myself therefore I should do nofap for 2017. There should be no excuses. Also I should stop looking up the pros and cons to masturbating. There is absolutely nothing I need to know on this subject. I know the advantages more energy, confidence, time and feeling better about myself all round. That’s it, maybe the main con is blue balls but that isn’t so bad and not so bad especially if I don’t go on porn. If I think about it a lot, I think about it a lot not much I can do but there is no need to keep looking it up online all the time.

  1. Make more friends.

I plan to go to more meetups. I am going to one today and also I am starting a new job next week so hopefully I should make more friends there. I am not that bothered if I don’t I will still be breathing the same air, but hopefully should make more friends this year. All my friends I seem to make don’t seem to bother with me for one reason or another. Like this girl called Okyu, what kind of name is that anyway? Anyway she don’t seem to bother with me anymore, I was texting her quite a bit and suddenly she stopped texting me back I said to her why is this and she called me demanding. There are probably a multiple of reasons why we wont be friends anymore. She lives to far away for one, about an hour and half away. Although that hasn’t been said I think that is a main reason. Anyway she is in the past now. Oyku what a stupid name.

  1. Write more on the blog and try and get more followers, about 2 hours is enough.

Maybe I should go to a workshop on wordpress as I don’t really know what I am doing on the website. This way I could improve my website and therefore gain more followers. Just write more, fit it into daily life. Instead of doing pointless stuff, write!

  1. Learn to drive.

I started 2016 learning to drive maunal and realised I am rubbish at that and will drive the automatic car. Hopefully that will be easier. It should be, it should be just like driving a go cart.

  1. Remember when writing not to waste time on the internet. Infact just don’t waste time on the internet.

Often when I write I feel the need to log onto the internet, I shouldn’t do this. Only perhaps to look up the meaning of words other than that. It isn’t necessary.

  1. Keep doing the good things, exercise, meditation, journal writing, being healthy and keep not doing prostitutes, fapping, porn, sleeping with random people, omegle, reddit, youtube, drinking too much at once.

I guess I am good at keeping up these kinds of things. I should keep doing them. Sometimes I fail on porn, fapping and omegle but should just not do them to improve my life.

  1. Try to do well in my new job when I start it.

Just remember to arrive on time, try and work hard, don’t moan, Be a team player and do everything I am good at. I should be okay I think. If I get sacked I can always find another job, I don’t think I will get sacked though.

  1. Try and watch more films and read more.

Better to be doing that than watching YouTube.

  1. Try and move out the house.

Keep saving up money. I am doing well at the moment at saving money. I should keep doing this. Hopefully will have a well paid job and can afford to move out the house. If not just try and keep saving.

  1. Look at these goals a lot and assess what I am doing.

Often what I do is write a whole bunch of goals down and never look at them, a complete waste of time. I should look at my goals more. I am going to do it monthly.

  1. Try and see grandparents more.

They will probably die soon so best to try and see them more if I can. To be honest I see them more than anyone else so am quite good at that.

Daily Prompt: Hopeful

via Daily Prompt: Hopeful

I am hopeful to for 2017 because i can control what i do. i will try and have a happy future but i d0nt always know what the right thing to do. i just get scared, hopefully God can save me, maybe i am going mad.

Anyway please read my blog, it would be nice to have some more readers, and share what they think about my posts.

All the best for the new year

Michael!.